My sheets look like a crime scene.
babies were throwing up all over the place
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
