Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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