So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
