The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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