I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us