I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.