idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
its liver damage thursday
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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