Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
