gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
