Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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