I hope mine doesn't look like that
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
