Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
