I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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