So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
