I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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