oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
