Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
