if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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