I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
