We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
