Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
