i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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