i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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