A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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