Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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