fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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