i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
