I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
