Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
where am i from again
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
