He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
