well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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