Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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