btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
