People with herpes should wear stickers.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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