Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
