I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
