I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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