Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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