stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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