Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm bleeding and have questions
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
