Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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