So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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