i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
