Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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