I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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