So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
