i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
