New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
