I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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