Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
