she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
