im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
