its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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