took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
