you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
