people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
