dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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