there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
