Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
