Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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