I'm jealous of your bromance
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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