New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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